Dr. Mari: Experiencing the death of loved ones can leave you feeling like an empty vessel, wandering through life without purpose or direction. It may seem as though a part of you, or even your entire self, has vanished, making you unsure of who is staring back at you when you look in the mirror. If any of this resonates with you, then you’re in the right place—this episode is for you, my friend! Grief can be overwhelming and earth-shattering, especially following the death of loved ones. But what you can take a moment to consider this: What if even after deep loss, you have the potential to grow in ways you could never imagine. Not to negate your pain and your loss, but Moreso be open to hope and possibilities that can create deep meaning and purpose in your life? What if I told you that there is a powerful three-letter word that could be a crucial key in guiding you through your grief and nurture your personal growth after a loss? How might being open to this possibility change the way you take your next steps forward? Hello, my friend, and welcome to the first episode of the Growth After Loss Podcast. I’m Dr. Mari Marquez, a personal growth educator dedicated to helping you navigate changes and growth after the loss of loved ones, one gentle step at a time. In this episode, I’d like to open up about my personal journey through grief and growth following the loss of several loved ones. I will share a pivotal experience that truly saved my life during this challenging time. We’ll also delve into what grief really means, based on insights from the American Psychological Association, and I’ll introduce a practical exercise you can implement to help you navigate your grief and nurture your personal growth. Before we begin, I want to emphasize that this podcast is a compassionate and educational resource, not a substitute for therapy. It is designed to support you on your journey of change and growth after the loss of loved ones. My goal in creating this podcast is to foster connection and empowerment while guiding you through life after loss. You will find practical, science-backed advice, as well as honest conversations featuring personal stories and interviews to help you navigate your path in life following loss. And before we start diving into today’s episode, I want to take a moment to express my gratitude for you being here. I wan to say thank you for being here today; it is truly an honor to accompany you on this heartfelt journey of learning and development following the loss of our loved ones. The journey of grief can be complex and challenging. And I know there are many others talking about this topic, so My hope and mission is that through my work, you will gain knowledge and practical tools grounded in research to support yourself as you navigate this path of grief and growth after loss. Because you still deserve to live a life filled with joy, purpose, and meaning even if it’s one gentle step at a time. On that note lets begin. So let’s start off with the catalyst of all this which is the grief that was caused by the experiencing the death of my own loved ones. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines grief as the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person. Grief is often distinguished from bereavement (the condition of having lost a loved one to death) and mourning (the process of feeling or expressing grief following the death of a loved one,). However, APA notes that Not all bereavements result in a strong grief response, and not all grief is given public expression. Grief often includes physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, obsessive dwelling on the past, and apprehension about the future. Intense grief can become life-threatening through disruption of the immune system, self-neglect, and suicidal thoughts. According to the American Psychological Association, Grief may also take the form of regret for something lost, remorse for something done, or sorrow for a mishap to oneself. So when we are talking about grief in this episode, we are specifically referring to the pain and sorrow that accompanies the death of loved ones. I want to take a moment to share my deeply personal story of grief and growth after experiencing a loss. Through this experience, I learned something very powerful that I hope can have a significant impact on your life, just as it did on mine. This simple decision and action, while sometimes difficult to do, became a guiding light on my path to growth, helping me reclaim parts of myself that I believed were lost forever.. In 2018, I faced the most devastating year of my life. Anyone who has lost a loved one understands the profound impact it can have, reaching deep into your soul. In June of that year, I stood by my father's bedside as I watched him take his last breath after battling pancreatic and liver cancer. The room was filled with tears, punctuated only by the soft beeping of machines. It felt as though my world had been turned upside down, leaving me to grapple with the finality of his death. Four months after my father's passing, I faced another unimaginable loss. My husband experienced a sudden and horrific accident, and he too passed away. One moment, I had him by my side, and the next, that bright smile I adored was gone forever. If you've experienced the death of someone you deeply love, I’m sure you can relate. It’s as if you blink, and they are suddenly gone. The ground feels ripped out from under you, and you have no say in the matter. Navigating life after these losses was excruciating. I felt like an empty vessel, struggling to walk through a thick fog on a path with no clear direction. Even with my little one to care for, my grief was so heavy that it was tough for me to see any light, joy, or hope. This darkness took me to a place of despair, without any sense of direction. That is, until I reached one very powerful turning point. This specific action truly changed the course of my journey through grief and growth in my life after loss, much like I’ve seen it do for many others navigating their own losses. Now it started with a simple yet crucial realization: I needed to allow myself to feel more than just pain and sorrow. Which my hope for you as well. Because for a long time, I felt stuck in a cycle of grief that seemed to have no end. It was exhausting, and being in a deep state of grief, took me to a place that almost ended my own life. And that very dark moment led me to this very thing I will share with you. Through my work and this podcast, I hope to inspire you to take positive action in your life, so you can embrace the light and hope that I have found. And let me tell you, because as much as your pain and grief matters, so do you, my friend. And you deserve a life that is still worth living with joy, meaning and purpose. So, this one thing I want to share with you today has created significant changes in my life, and I know it can do the same for you. It’s a small but powerful three-letter word: and that is the word “yes.” After experiencing loss, it can be incredibly challenging to open ourselves up to things that we believe may not truly make a difference in our process of sorrow However, saying "yes" to hope, new possibilities, and to the people who genuinely want to support us can be a crucial step in processing our grief, growth and transformation. Allowing myself to saying “yes to receiving support after loss and taking action” even though I thought nothing could change the depths of my sorrow, made a huge difference in my own life. And let me tell you why. Because I accepted and engaged in support, I found new ways to navigate my grief, learned to relive a world that made no sense to me back then, and it allowed me to hope and possibilities for my own life. I explored therapy, joined a support group, and engaged in many other modalities. Each act of reaching out became a step toward processing pain, rediscovering this different phase of my life, and this different version of me who had been impacted by so much loss, yet still had the capacity to live a life worth living. All while honoring my grief, and nurturing growth. I was rediscovering joy in life and learning to honor my loved ones' memories in a way that didn’t tie me solely to the pain but also allowed me to learn and grow in a different way than I ever wanted or thought to be possible. For me this led to earing a Ph.D in psychology, with an emphasis in my research in grief and personal growth after the loss a loved one. Through this process, I had the honor of conducting my own research and interviewed some amazing women who shared their stories on how they describe their personal growth after their own significant losses. And let me tell you this, you are the expert of your own journey, I am here to help guide, support, and provide tools and information backed by research, which then you get to decided how to leverage them in your own life. And my hope for you is that you can learn to say "yes" to hope and possibilities in your own life after loss. Because you also matter greatly too in your own unique experience of loss. Your pain matters, your grief matters and so does you AND AND your well-being matters just as much. Now saying "yes" to people and experiences that can help you navigate your grief and support your personal growth after a loss does not mean rushing your grieving process or urging you to move on, nor does it involve toxic positivity. No, Instead, embracing supportive paths after a loss can create the necessary space, time, and grace to allow your pain to be expressed. It provides an outlet for your deep sorrows that can help you learn to navigate a world that may now feel unfamiliar. I refer to this concept as personal growth, which is very similar to post-traumatic growth but approached with intentionality. The concept of personal growth following a loss is not new. In fact, Dr. Richard Tedeschi and Dr. Lawrence Calhoun coined the term "post-traumatic growth" in the 1990s. This term refers to the positive psychological changes that can occur after a life-altering event, such as the death of a loved one. Its both a process and an outcome of changes. However, there are important differences between personal growth and post-traumatic growth, which we will explore in our next episode. But for now, let remind you that you have the power to say yes to support, yes to life, yes to hope and yes to possibilities that can significantly impact the trajectory of your life, even after experiencing profound loss. I do want to share that the intensity and frequency of grief can change over time, and I strongly believe in seeking support to create a safe space for discussing your unique experience. As we come to the end of our discussion, I’d like to go over the important points we talked about today. 1. Personal growth after a loss is possible. Meaning you do not have to stay in the intense cycle of intense and debilitating grief. 2. You have the ability to say “yes”—to embrace new experiences and connect with people who can significantly impact in positive ways your path of navigating grief and nurturing personal growth. Whether it's through talking to a licensed mental health professional, joining a support group, or engaging in a creative outlet, you have the choice to take positive steps in your life. And 3. I know that Navigating grief can feel overwhelming, AND I also want you to know that taking small, intentional steps that can support you in your life loss can lead to personal growth and renewed hope. When this episode ends, I want you to commit to one thing or person that can help create a positive change in your life after a loss. This could be journaling your thoughts, reaching out to a friend, finally saying yes to therapy, or trying a new hobby. Think about one thing you will say yes to and write it down. The final step is to take action. Make that phone call, enroll in a group, or take out those paints and brushes—whatever it is, start creating. Because It’s just a thought until you put it into action. As we draw this episode to a close, let’s take a moment to pause and reflect on the journey we've shared together today. Life can be challenging, and sometimes it feels overwhelming, but it's important to remember that you are not alone in this. Each of us carries our own struggles, and it’s through these shared experiences that we can find connection and understanding. So please go ahead and find your way of connecting. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for allowing me to accompany you on your journey of growth after loss. If today’s episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort in these words. Remember, your loss matters, your grief matters, and you matter too. Until next time, take care of yourself. You are important, and you deserve a life that is still worth living.
Disclaimer: This podcast is educational in nature and not a substitute for therapy. If you are seeking additional support, connecting with a licensed mental health professional may be helpful.